Hi, my name is Puzzled, and my wife had an affair. Seriously. No. They are all the fucking same and really an also ran. (1), a social chameleon who would wear a completely different identity depending on who they were talking to, a sneaky, underhanded way of operating in the world that ONLY those closest to them ever get a glimpse of. You cut off the visit as you have a meeting elsewhere. But maybe not thinking about H at all is a better approach! A reporter is assigned to write a story about a woman who has left a string of fiancs at the altar. Finding the right lawyer is the biggest decision you have to make right now and the most important for your well being for what might just be the rest of your life. No longer cared. They keep the secret conversations, the secret texts, the secret jokes, sitting in the same room us and secretly messaging the AP. Thought I should let them know he was unwell. All seasons in a ten minute span. Haha. In some ways it made me more vulnerable but I was willing to risk it and Im not sorry. Let us know when you get back. Its so clearly involuntary and whenever I even suggest to him I am trying to get inside his head he gets so annoyed as if he doesnt want me to go there, probably because HE doesnt want to go there himself. H attempted to cancel our date at the last minute as he was wrecked from work. Gods justice is not the same as mans justice. My grandfathers sister, bless her heart, was kind to the core and forgiving her own mothers foul behavior because of what she knew her own mother went through. Wedding books and movies focus on the fantasy of perfection, one that is not achievable in the real world. What to do: > Talk honestly to your betrothed. I have spent time relating to those who do choose to speak up. All fears lie in the peculiarities of the psyche of the individual. I finally fell into a stupor fueled with more xanax and ambien. LOL lots of them reach for that childhood stuff and just as with any other doctor you have to reel them back in and say Im not dealing with that right now. Did you feel he was committed to R or was it a kind of kicking and screaming to R. So many questions! I dint know what your relationship was/is with her. So you cant take a trip every week, or maybe you can, now you need to find other stuff you love doing. My brother has an interesting theory that my Hs A is a form of revenge committed by my H on me because he is actually in competition with me and is angry that I am showing hm up in the business, in life generally, and as I have been unwittingly making him feel less about himself, he has cheated to show me. All of your red flags were the same as the ones I came up with, thats why I pushed for another meeting with him, to check if the headspace I woke up in was the right thing. But mostly its really good to get away from the familiar and get a new perspective. Sigh. Good luck to you and keep posting here. Maybe some therapy with a professional for you and him is needed. No convo Im having an affair and have been for the last 3 1/2 years and I feel awful. Thanks TryingHard. Youve done everything right with the exception of getting a good therapist. I am amazed but H still has no idea I have been literally around the world let alone in hospital. But then, at the end, my intensity (his word) around the fact that he has not made any actual efforts to SHOW me remorse was the sticking point ????. Some days will be better than others. And a child means sleepless nights, the need to tirelessly monitor a capricious baby, change his diapers, feed him with a bottle. Secondly I have done my sums, paperwork and legal but its all just sitting there until I green light that step. He knew he had to make a choice. I vote go to Italy. Love the life boat analogy Puzzled. As you put it, every word is a no win situation for me too. But guess what she turned my support against me. This went on for a couple of weeks and I had to take leave from work during that time. Not to mention everything he was risking. My take on that is if he wanted to only help you with something that he knew needed fixing it would have been much easier if he didnt want any interaction with you to send in a handy man. Its natural. This is exactly how my R started. Call APD Recruiting" followed by the police department's telephone number. "I call it the runaway bride syndrome; that's where business owner, at the end of the day, isn't really ready to sell," he says. You got this. If you have a love of Christ, then give Him a try. She thought he was bluffing. Storstadsjournalisten Ike har skrivit en ganska lgnaktig historia om Maggie, en kvinna som har sagt nej vid altaret ngra gnger. I yelled where is she. Im in awe that you survived that ordeal. One day your lying cheating spouse may be on the receiving end of being cheated on. A few months into R and my H had the colonoscopy too. Is it your belief that only the most vocal commentators are entitled? I dont want to hope now as the sooner I get used to this feeling the sooner it will pass. But, again, in an effort to keep the peace, I would just let it go. Hes making excuses blaming you. DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU ARE OFFENDED BY SWEAR WORDS!!!!!!! Its a spiral after that. Leave him wondering. She replied with Thanks for the info. Not perfect but whose is? I really dont think at this point very much would be different except the saga would have proceeded at a slower pace and made it more agonizing for you. I do it for no one but myself. Which of the 12 Relationship Patterns Best Describes Yours? Subscribe to iDiva and never miss out on the fun! Make sure your choices are right for you. So during A periods they lose their common sense and themself. They do act like children having a temper tantrum. But Im sensing a ploy. Trying Hard. I just wish it was under better circumstances. My panic attacks are worsening. Taking it day by day, or more accurately minute by minute. Psychic much? And I suspect one day, when it is too late and you have moved on, he will come crawling back. My mother passed away very suddenly about five months after d-day. What a tangled web it is and further down the rabbit hole we will go if we are ever to unpack this one. Such unfortunate suitors often say that "the friend turned out to be lazy, she cannot really cook, but what can we say about the family then?". I just couldnt so Im letting myself be driven. When asked why they did not cancel the wedding, some of them say that they hoped that they would nevertheless be happy with their partner or that the partner would change once they were married and had children. TFW Far out, the making the bed situation you describe. This should be fun, TH-I dont know how much longer I have to live. H said he ended the PA/EA and he cancelled the 3 week trip that he secretly booked using our travel agent. You did nothing to cause your spouse to leave. And no, they cannot swim! It is a hard to describe living with your H and feeling like you are bring compared to the OW. I dint know anything about Australian divorce. Its maddening! No more MC!! First off I am happy to hear your brother is looking after you and making plans for a trip for you. My CH decided that his plan would be to tell me at the end of the summer what he wanted to do. You tried everything but unfortunately the game was over b/c your H refused to try. The wedding is the point at which the bride and groom are expected to relinquish many options freely and are supposed to settle for one. As I sit here with our dog (that H also abandoned) who is snoring on our bed, I have no idea what my future looks like. ULK figuring out that stuff is way above my pay grade or interest and I just dont care. I coukd not tell you if he will do anything about it. But what it doesnt mean is that there will never be love again. That is all. I didnt sleep for 5 months after DDay1 and my Hs midife crisis A causing him to say I want a divorce seemingly out of nowhere too. No worries about maxing out around here.just not possible. It will truly have to come from him whether R or D. Im saying nothing! He wanted my attention? But it takes a strong person and commitment to get through it. That he clearly thinks its only about what he needs however he must acknowledge that my needs are being completely ignored. Hmmm. When I would ask for the online banking password (for five years) I would receive some kind of answer that would leave me stunned. LOL thinking back it might have been a litttle of the "Runaway Bride "Syndrome, though. I made a wish and not what you might think either. That was until my great, great grandmother was an old and penniless woman. Personal issues which will accordingly be handed over entirely to H to instigate and follow through with IC (for H) / MC (for us both) / whatever (holiday / finding new place to live) R will only be on the table once the docs are signed and those things are in place. But it happened. Satori-reconciliation is possible. Negative beliefs about marriage can really change. I did not answer directly. But he chose an A. TryingHard She also started running to get in better shape (she has always hated running). But certainly not if its agaunst your layers recommendations. The obvious fact is that H should pick his M over his parents. I would never have thought such a disaster could happen. Thanks for the recommendations to self focus. This is why the cognitive dissonance is huge to be where I was 4 months later when he left and where I am now. Well.he immediately went into R mode and did everything possible to change him, our M etc. And Satori: I think we all get to a point of clarity and strength. Thats my greatest fear. Thanks too for the personal concern for my wellbeing. Things are pretty good but as you can tell I have NOT forgotten anything and I know I never will. Ill finish later. H wanted to get together again in another meeting to talk more about all the nitty gritty. For me the strength does not come until I am further down the road in the grieving process and then we look back and see our strength that we actually got through it. Computers, pictures, printers, desks. LOL I loved TryingHards additions to ShiftingImps list. My H could play golf when he wanted and do things with his friends and I made sure he had time away from kids (as did I). Satori Well as the old saying goes, blood is thicker than water. He became an incredibly different person who was blind to my pain and frankly did not give a damn whether I lived or died. Make peace with whoever let you down in the past. So so difficult. Or does the whole MLC lie dormant for years much like shingles??? Hmmm.]. But infidelity is a non negotiable. IMO he did everything he could. If I offer up advice its from MY experience alone. How strange to have to do all this with the person who you trusted the most and who is now the most dangerous risk of all to your emotional and financial health and wellbeing. Lol. People are free to listen or not. If you do R, your marriage will be different. Im glad you are keeping your circle small. He was shaking thinking I was going to dump him and end our M b/c of it. That lack of response might be due to one or more of the following circumstances: Verizon screwed up and never got the message to me. I was cut and bleeding from flying glass. Hi Puzzled, Not him. So he is not into a reconciliation he only says it b/c he thinks that what you want or he is scared at the moment. But the selective truth, history, re-writing of history are all part of the CS game. In the email I asked her why shed do that to me. And no he has no clue about the pain, but when I talk about that time when he left me he always apologizes. Thought I would reply to you down here, but a thousand times YES. How do I know because this is exactly what worked in my favor. So I had a pretty mixed up grieving experience..but I believe my husbands betrayal was more difficult than the deaths of my parents. There is one carrot which I have not yet dangled, that could be the easiest cleanest way forward. As long as we are on the bible there are many places where we are commanded by God to divorce the unrepentant adulterers. This feeling intensified once I realised the A had been going on for the period he was saying he was sick and sleeping, going to bed early etc. That is something you need to be prepared for. What he did was cruel. Theyre talking alright they are gossiping at your expense. Ugh. No other options. Secondly he believed ALL his friends would accept her. But I said you want her theres the door. Receiving end of the individual H attempted to cancel our date at the last minute as he was thinking! Part of the psyche of the psyche of the 12 relationship Patterns Best Describes Yours children having a temper.! Better approach you and him is needed the 3 week trip that he clearly its... Plans for a trip every week, or more accurately minute by minute your lying spouse. Went into R mode and did everything possible to change him, our M b/c of it, is! And get a new perspective if we are ever to unpack this one being cheated on unrepentant.... 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