Marwood: Do you know, when you first came in here I knew you were a services man. Withnail: Why can't I get on television? Nor women neither. Just say there are a couple of drunks in the Penrith tearooms and we want them removed. But sooner or later you got to get out, because it's crashing. Do you like vegetables? We can't go on like this. The carrot has mystery. Monty: Well, of course you dont, you are incapable of indulging in anything but pleasure, am I not right? It's obsessed with its gut. Listen, I don't know what my f acquaintance did to upset you but it's nothing to do with me. Look out that window, if you see anything, anything at all, tell me. Uncle Monty: Oh my boys, my boys, we are at the end of an age! And if I spike you, you'll know you've been spoken to. Why don't you go back? [toasting with a drink] "Here. The entire sink's gone rotten. And we want them here, and we want them now! There are things in there, there's a tea-bag growing! Marwood: Why don't you wash up occasionally like any other human being? Withnail and I completed its run in 1970. It's like great yellow sock. When I strike they won't know what hit them! It takes away your appetite just looking at it. Withnail: I'm in the middle of a bloody overdose! Don't threaten me with a dead fish! Is Marwood in love with Withnail? Why have you drugged their onions?! These eels here are for his pot. Danny: No, man. Peter Marwood (I): We want the finest wines available to humanity! The sky's beginning to bruise, night must fall and we shall be forced to camp. Why have you drugged their onions?! Headhunter to his friends. Have you had any training in the martial arts? Outvie him. Withnail: No you won't, you're not leaving me in here alone. Withnail: You can stuff it up your arse for nothing and f*** off while you're doing it! We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly. Here hare here? Get any more masculine than him and you'd have to live up a tree. Free to those that can afford it, very expensive to those that can't. Then why has my head gone numb? All hairdressers are in the employment of the government. What's in your hump? Withnail: Danny: Chin-chin. We were wondering if we could possibly purchase a pheasant off of you. 2 quotes have been tagged as withnail-i: Bruce Robinson: 'We've gone on holiday by mistake' and Bruce Robinson: 'Here. DRIVE WITH EXTREME CARE", shouts out of the car window at a man standing on the pavement, Withnail and Marwood are lying in bed together, listening to a man coming inside the cottage. That's what you say. Maybe he f***s arses! "In a world exclusive interview, 33 year old shot putter Geoff Woade who weighs 317 pounds, admitted taking massive doses of anabolic steroids, drugs banned in sport. I've no idea. We want the finest wines available to humanity. Why can't I have an audition? I think you've been punished enough. 'He used to get in bad tempers and act up,' said his wife. The greatest decade in the history of mankind is over. Withnail and I is a 1986 film comedy written and directed by Bruce Robinson and starring Richard E. Grant (Withnail), Paul McGann (Marwood, the "I" of the title), Richard Griffiths (Uncle Monty) and Ralph Brown (Danny). Marwood: Then they must be delighted with your career. Browse Recommendations; Choice Awards; Genres; Giveaways; New Releases; Genres And we want them here, and we want them now! [teary-eyed] Jake: I happen to think the cauliflower more beautiful than the rose. Goes into court in his caftan and a bell. We want them here and we want them now! 1 likes. I want something's flesh! Rubbish. [he pulls Withnail's cigarette out of his mouth and puts it in his]. Withnail: No you can't, I can't get my boots on when they're hot. Lets take a look at the following list and find out the best Withnail and I quotes. As a youth, I used to weep in butchers' shops! One of us has got to stay on guard. [a few minutes later, Withnail re-enters the cottage holding a wet stick]. C*nt give him two years. you little traitors. withnail and i quotes 100% Upvoted. Who is the huge spade in the bath? [leaning out the car window] We may as well sit round this cigarette. So there's this judge sitting there in the cape like f***ing Batman with this really rather far out-looking hat. Danny: If I medicined you, you'd think a brain tumour was a birthday present! You lose, you gain Makes no difference so long as you keep taking the pills. I feel like a pig shat in my head. Marwood: We get in there and get wrecked, then we'll eat a pork pie, then we'll drop a couple of Surmontil-50's each. And I'm sitting in this bloody shack and I can't cope with Withnail. Alas I have little more than vintage wine and memories. Danny: Withnail: What happened to your cigar commercial? Quotes About Cool Kid (57 Quotes) www.quotemaster.org. [is being arrested for drunk driving] This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight. I'm starving. Withnail: Listen, we're bona fide, we're not from London. Me? Burnt! Do you mean you've been up here in all this beastly mud and oomska without Wellingtons? [after trying the Camberwell Carrot] I've never met him. Two out-of-work actors -- the anxious, luckless Marwood and his acerbic, alcoholic friend, Withnail -- spend their days drifting between their squalid flat, the unemployment office and the pub. [screwing his eyes shut in terror, moaning] We live in a land of weather forecasts and breakfasts that set in, shat on by Tories, shovelled up by Labour, and here we are, we three; perhaps the last island of beauty in the world. An expert on bulls you are not! Marwood: 13 million Londoners have to wake up to this. Withnail: Don't threaten me with a dead fish! Survey of rural types. Here. Marwood: I don't advise a haircut, man. [to Marwood] [stands barefoot, about to leave Withnail and Marwood's flat] And how dare you tell him you rejected me?! Plot - Withnail and "I" - the narrator - are two aspiring actors and friends who are looking for a job in London without success. The cottage. Withnail: You merely imagined it. What we need is harmony, fresh air, stuff like that., Flowers are essentially tarts. Don't look, don't look! And this one has a definite imbalance of hormone in him. 2023. Monty: [high-pitched voice] Call Of Duty 4 Modern Warfare: War Quotes - YouTube www.youtube.com. Withnail: You want me to call what's-his-name and ask him about his house? Any minute now he's going to rush out and get into his tights. Withnail: Sinew in nicotine base. The carrot has mystery. He told me that first day you came to Chelsea. How dare you. Marwood: Suits me. Find the exact moment in a TV show, movie, or music video you want to share. I think the carrot infinitely more fascinating than the geranium. Change down, man. You lead him astray. Raymond Duck. Withnail & I (1987) - Quotes - IMDb [Marwood knocks on the door of a farmhouse. It is the most shattering experience of a young man's life when one morning he awakes and quite reasonably says to himself, "I will never play the Dane. These pheasants are for my pot. He's a madman. Withnail: Marwood: We're not from London! Why trust one drug and not the other? I happen to be the proprietor. Nor women neither. "I'm gonna pull you head off." Jake: We're doing a feature for Country Life. I'm not gonna understudy anybody. We're incompatible. Peter Marwood (I): Even a stopped clock tells the right time twice a day. [sticking out his yellowy tongue] Withnail: Old suit?! I might fetch you up a rabbit. I feel dreadful, I feel really dreadful. Do you realise this gaff's overrun with rodents? Hurry up, Mabs. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. What is all this tactical necessity and calculated risk? Your desires. Withnail. *Get-in-the-back-of-the-van*! Maybe he's written this in some moment of drunken sincerity! But now he's stopped, he's much better in our sex life and in our general life.'" We'll buy this place and have it knocked down! Withnail: Uncle Monty: Here hare here here hare here! - Quotes.net What have you done to them? Best kill it quick before it tries to make friends with us. Here grows the plant Assidos, which, when worn by any one, protects him from the evil spirit, forcing it to state its business and name; consequently the foul spirits keep out of the way there. withnail. It's impossible to use 12 papers on one joint. He says he won't come in for lunch without an apology. It's like Greenland in here. I'm not going to understudy anybody. Uncle Monty: Get that damned little swine out of here! [ruefully] Imagine getting into a fight with the f***er! Withnail freezes in terror with a mouthful of pie]. Withnail: Monty: is the clip Thanks! An old woman with a clunky hearing aid pinned to her apron opens the door]. Rejuvenate? Give in to it, boy. And if I spike you, you'll know you've been spoken to. We'll be back. As a youth I used to weep in butcher's shops. [pulling a pheasant out of his coat] Probably wintering with his mother in Guildford. Have you been at the controls? These eels are for my pot. Yet again that oaf has destroyed my day! Now, what makes you think I should give you something for your pot? Withnail: Rejuvenate! In fact, he'd probably tell you what he was going to do before he did it. Uncle Monty: I can never touch raw meat until it's cooked. Withnail: Marwood: I'd never have wanted it, not with him in it! Your email address will not be published. Uncle Monty: Come on lads, let's get home, the sky's beginning to bruise. Monty: [in a telephone box, speaking to an operator] We worked out it would be handy karma for him to get hold of a suit but he's a very low temperature spade, the Coalman. Afrika Korps. Withnail: [gesturing at the wine bottles and Marwood in the back] You dont deserve such loyalty. He says he won't come in for lunch without an apology. Change down, man. Withnail: This most excellent canopy, the air, look you, this brave oerhanging firmament, this majestical roof fretted with golden fire, why, it appeareth nothing to me but a foul and pestilent congregation of vapours. Monty: Here hare here! Danny: I must go home at once and discuss his problems in depth. Withnail and I : r/movies - reddit.com It has felt like listening to a symphony and here comes the crescendo. I'm gonna be a sta-a-a-a-ar! Uncle Monty: Go with it. Throwing themselves into the road gladly to escape all this hideousness! Withnail and I is a 1986 film comedy written and directed by Bruce Robinson and starring Richard E. Grant (Withnail), Paul McGann (Marwood, the "I" of the title), Richard Griffiths (Uncle Monty) and Ralph Brown (Danny). Well neither have I. Half an hour? by Anonymous: . Marwood: . The movie, which ta. I assure you I'm not, officer. I do. Uncle Monty: Oh, my boys, my boys, forgive me. How like an angel in apprehension. But he's a very low-temperature spade, the Coalman. Danny: This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight. Withnail: Monty: Listen, I know what you're thinking but I had no alternative. Marwood: I've no idea, I've never met him. I thought they'd all be out the back, drinking cider and discussing butter. I imagine they're talking to each other. Monty: Jesus Christ! Marwood: (Takes the shotgun) Well let me tell you something, Withnail. You will make it low. We've got to get some booze. Withnail: It's the only solution to this intense cold. Withnail & I (1987) - Ruthless Reviews They are playing poker with bottle tops and a . Danny: Withnail and I Quotes Let's be 'Withnail and I' (1987) - datalounge.com "GET IN THE BACK OF THE VAN!" "I feel like a pig shat in my head." "Don't threaten me with a dead fish." "A coward you are, Withnail. Withnail: Look at this - accident blackspot? Monty: Withnail: Withnail: I demand to have some booze!. They don't like me being on stage. This ain't fancy dress." [as Marwood walks past him] Withnail: If I ever see that silage-heap hanging about up here, I'll take the bastard axe to him. What happened to my agent? Withnail: There is, youll agree, a certain je ne sais quoi oh so very special about a firm, young carrot.. Four floors up on the Charing Cross road and never a job at the top of them. All right here? Now, which of you is going to be a splendid fellow and go down to the Rolls for the rest of the wine? Keep back, keep back! [pointing at a table] Withnail and I Quotes. How dare you! Withnail and I Quotes. How *dare* you! Withnail: Sherry? Withnail: 'Scuse me. Isaac Parkin: [pulling some goo out of the sink] When they take a holiday "by mistake" at the country house of Withnail's flamboyantly gay uncle, Monty, they encounter the unpleasant side of the . Because if you do, I'll have to give you a dose of medicine. Marwood: He can eat his fucking radish. Hair are your aerials. You can stuff it up your arse for nothing and fuck off while you're doing it! I've already put two shilling pieces in. The wankers don't drink it because they can't afford it! Yes, but if it rains, we're buggered. No more than you have. Withnail: Free to those who can afford it, very expensive to those who can't. Withnail: [narrating over scene] I'm glad you're the proprietor, I was gonna have to have a word with you anyway. Withnail: Half an hour? Withnail: Bastard asked me to understudy Konstantin in The Seagull. Withnail: Look at this; accident blackspot? But old now, old. It is called a Camberwell Carrot. Oh, of course you are. Withnail: I'm in a park and I'm practically dead; what good's the countryside? Quotes and one-liners: . Monty: [Jake has left a dead hare hanging on the cottage door, along with a note], Monty: Monty: quotes duty call warfare modern war. How right you are, how right you are. I sense there is world play but I just don't get it. Danny: I dont advise a haircut, man. Something's got to be done. The fuel and wood situation. They are flat broke, so they move to the house of Withnail's uncle in the countryside. It's society's crime, not ours. Monty: Depends entirely on the quality of the wine. Marwood: Withnail: An old woman with a clunky hearing aid pinned to her apron opens the door, she still doesn't answer. It's a bloody chicken! These aren't accidents, they're throwing themselves into the road! There must and shall be aspirin! Im in a park and Im practically dead. At some point or another I want to stop and get hold of a child. Withnail: I didn't think he'd come all this way. Withnail: How can it be so cold in here? We're in danger, we've got to get out. Jake The Poacher: I been watching you, 'specially you, up on them moors prancing around like a tit. How can we make it die? I'm not having this shag sack insulting me! Shat on by Tories, shovelled up by Labour. You are invited to spend an hilarious weekend in the English countryside. Marwood: Marwood: (Voice-over) Thirteen million Londoners have to wake up to this. The old bugger's come a long way and I didn't want to put the wind up him. Monty: How noble in reason! Ive absolutely no interest in yours. [telephoning his agent] Marwood: Well, I don't know. Withnail: Monty: Marwood: We are indeed drifting into the arena of the unwell. Marwood: This doll is extremely dangerous; it has voodoo qualities. Danny: Marwood: Monty: [smiling] My brain's capsizing. [voiceover] We shall buy this place and fire you immediately. Withnail: Scrubbers! 10 quotes from Withnail and I: the Original Screenplay: 'We are indeed drifting into the arena of the unwell.' . Richard E. Grant Is Making Self-Isolation Fun With Classic 'Withnail www.bbcamerica.com. They're selling hippie wigs in Woolworths, man. Yes, you are! That means we'll miss out on Monday but come up smiling Tuesday morning. Youre not in the same boat. Marwood: Monty: Withnail: In that case, "To a delightful weekend in the country.". Uncle Monty: Here hare here here hare here! What a piece of work is a man. Beastly, ungrateful little swine! Withnail: (Wry smile) Sorry about that. I know you're not asleep, boy. Flowers are essentially tarts. . Withnail: Withnail: [extends arm with umbrella straight up to sky]. I'm gonna be a star*! [on top of a hill, shouting into a valley, his voice echoing] Withnail unfolds the note and hands it to Monty. It's society's crime, not ours. I feel unusual. And yet, to me, what is this quintessence of dust? You've got soup. . Screaming like a madman he moves towards the bull, which turns around and runs back through the gate. [after coming out of a field, Withnail hasn't closed the gate properly, and a bull walks through it. Apart from a raw potato, that's the only solid to have passed my lips in the last 60 hours. Monty: I'll sleep here. [to Marwood] Hey, give us a wheeze on that fag. Peter Marwood: That's alright, I'll go alone. I have a heart condition, if you hit me it's murder. Monty: Here Hare Here - YouTube Street: The Embalmer! Stop saying that, Withnail! I'm in the middle of a bloody overdose! I must have some booze. To tutor it in the ways of righteousness, and procure some uncontaminated urine. Marwood: You know what we should do? It's horrible really but they like that, the little girls. [Withnail's lonely, aging homosexual uncle Monty has gone home, leaving a note humbly apologising for the desperate sexual advances he made on Marwood the night before]. Dead down the drain? It's trying to get itself in with you, it's trying for even more advantage! I'm a trained actor reduced to the status of a bum. Trying for even more advantage. Marwood : No, no, you can't. It's impossible, I swear it. Do you like to experience all facets of life? Marwood: I mean look at us! These are the best withnail and I quotes. [the bedroom door slowly opens and the intruder enters with a torch] Withnail: [screwing his eyes shut in terror, moaning] We mean no harm! Screaming like a madman he moves towards the bull, which turns around and runs back through the gate. A coward you are, Withnail! It's you he wants. Oh my boys, my boys, we are at the end of an age! Marwood: He told me about your problems. Flowers are essentially tarts. You beastly little parasite, how dare you! It's like a tide. Cunt gave him two years. The thermostats. Marwood: [voiceover] Oh, how I tried not to. You got a rush. I tried not to. My wife is having a baby. What's going on? A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials, heavy and sudden, fall upon us. That's what you say. Brings back such memories of Oxford. Quotes from Withnail and I: The Screenplay - BookQuoters General: Withnail: I have of late, but wherefore I know not, lost all my mirth. These are the sort of windows faces look in at! [holding umbrella in rain] Come on lads, let's get home. Withnail: I need at least an hour for lunch. Withnail: I'm a trained actor reduced to the status of a bum! Withnail: Then stick it in the soap tray and save it for later. You just wait. Required fields are marked *. Talk:Withnail and I - Wikiquote Soak up the booze. Withnail : Right, you fucker, I'm going to do the washing up! The paragon of animals. Always full of women staring out of windows, whining about ducks going to Moscow. Free to those who can afford it, very expensive to those who can't. I invented it in Camberwell, and it looks like a carrot. You don't deserve such loyalty. Monty: And at the end, it seems Withnail is sad that Marwood is leaving him and regrets his choices. I'm preparing myself to forgive you. I've looked into it. I can never touch meat until it's cooked. Let go before it's too late or hang on and keep getting higher, posing the question: how long can you keep a grip on the rope? Withnail: "Geoff Woade is feeling better and is now prepared to step back into society and start tossing his orb about." [narrating over scene] Hello? His head must weigh fifty pounds on its own. I've always been fond of root crops but I only started to grow last summer. Black puddings are no good to us. Look here, my cousin's a QC! Withnail: You need working on, boy! Change down, man, find your neutral space. Cooking's one of the natural instincts. Politics, man. Were incompatible. tags: humour, withnail-i. We've got to get some booze. [while high on drugs] We are not drunks, we are multi-millionaires! Man delights not me, no, nor women neither. Miss Blennerhassett, telephone the police. It's too hot so he drops it]. It's those dreadful beady eyes, they stare you out. This suit was cut by Hawkes of Savile Row. Withnail: We've gone on holiday by mistake. The only people he converses with are his clients, and occasionally the police. Marwood: (Voice-over) Speed is like a dozen transatlantic flights without ever getting off the plane. And here we are, we three, perhaps the last island of beauty in the world. Marwood: That means we'll miss out Monday but come up smiling Tuesday morning. That's worse than meths! Marwood stands there, petrified, the bull is scraping the ground with its front hoof, snorting, he throws the shopping the air and it scatters in the mud. *Fork it*! Withnail: Withnail: [reading from the paper] "In a world exclusive interview, 33-year-old shotputter Geoff Woade, who weighs 317 pounds, admitted taking massive doses of anabolic steroids, drugs banned in sport. Marwood: There must and shall be aspirin, or I shall die, here, on this fucking mountainside! No, no, no, dear boy, you must leave, you must leave. Saint Peter preached the epistles to the apostles looking like that. [approaching the pub] Danny: Danny: Marwood: It's ridiculous. How noble in reason, how infinite in faculties! The only thing you're in that I've been in is this fucking bath! Easy for you to say, luvvie, you've had an audition. It is the most shattering experience of a young man's life when one morning he awakes and quite reasonably says to himself "I will never play the Dane." Withnail: Right you f***er, I'm going to do the washing up! Nonsense. [Marwood is leaving to go to Manchester to do a play. We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly. Withnail: Good old Jake. If my father was loaded I'd ask him for some money. Maybe he's written this in some moment of drunken sincerity. What is it? Give me a downer, Danny. Marwood: Hair are your aerials. Withnail: The only programme I'm likely to get on is the f***ing news! Here hare here!" Bruce Robinson, Withnail and I: the Original Screenplay. This is me naked in a corner! We might wanna do a film in here. Then it was a rodent. . For reasons I can't really discuss with you, he had to go to Jamaica. Listen, we're bona fide, we're not from London. hide. Sons are the anchors of a mother's life. Withnail: Will it? What are we supposed to do with that? Monty: We want to get in there, don't we? Withnail: Ive told you why. These aren't mine, they belong to him. Marwood: No need to get uptight, man. It has voodoo qualities. That means we'll miss out on Monday but come up smiling Tuesday morning. Sort of said it without thinking. I have of late, but wherefore I know not, lost all my mirth. "I'm gonna pull your head off because I don't like your head.". Withnail: Withnail hands Marwood the bag of shopping and jumps over the wall to safety. Danny: I'm good looking. You got a rush. Something's got to be done. He's building the prototype now. Street: the embalmer. I think we better release you from the lgume, and transfer your talents to the meat. Withnail: I've got a bastard behind the eyes. DRIVE WITH EXTREME CARE"] [he picks up the kettle on the stove. Jake: Withnail: Or do you shut yourself off from new experience? Withnail & I (1987) clip with quote "Here hare, here." Yarn is the best search for video clips by quote. extends arm with umbrella straight up to sky, seeing a road sign reading "ACCIDENT BLACK SPOT. Withnail and I Quotes Look at him! Withnail: And as Presuming Ed here has so consistently pointed out, we have failed to paint it black. What have you done to them? Ah! Monty: I've looked into it. I think we'd better release you from the lgumes and transfer your talents to the meat. Offer him yourself. Because I don't advise it. Withnail: [whispering] He's going into your room. It is a bond filled with trust, unconditional love, understanding, and support. I've only had a few ales. Withnail: Listen, Monty, there's something I have to explain to you. I know how you feel and how difficult it is. There is a certain je ne sais quoi - oh, so very special - about a firm, young carrotExcuse me Uncle Monty: I mean to have you, even if it must be burglary! Danny: Withnail: He's been fed from arsehole to beak. Policeman 1: What are you talking about, Danny? It can utilise up to 12 skins. Oh, Baudelaire. God fulfils himself in many ways. Beside there's nothing invented I couldn't take. Bastard asked me to understudy Konstantin in The Seagull. Withnail: *Bastards*! Withnail: I don't want to hear it. You're simply blackmailing your emotions to avoid the realities of your relationship with him. Marwood: I must be ill. Monty: I say, you know what we should do? He'd like a bit of pleading. Monty: Gi' me one in t' knee. Withnail: Hairs are your aerials. If he comes into my room again, it's murder, and you'll be held responsible in law! Scrubbers! I often wonder where Norman is now. I've absolutely no interest in yours. Withnail: Why don't you use a cup like any other human being? Indeed, I remember my first agent. *Arrrgh*! Prostitutes for the bees. Withnail: Withnail: Withnail: Get out of it for a while. Marwood: (Voice-over) Even a stopped clock tells the right time twice a day, and for once I'm inclined to believe Withnail is right. [spits onto the ground] I dislike relatives in general and in particular mine. Just because the best tailoring you've ever seen is above your fucking appendix doesn't mean anything! Marwood: Isaac Parkin: It was like walking into a lung. The wankers don't drink it because they can't afford it. Look at Geoff Woade! How dare you! Waitress: Marwood: [voiceover] Marwood: Withnail: Withnail: Where is he? "I'm going to pull your head off, because I don't like your head.". Of course you are! I must go home at once and discuss his problems in depth.

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